Tuesday, August 07, 2007

ACHEY BREAKY JAKEY

IT'S ALL ABOUT BOB

“I don’t know what hurts him most,” Weiss said, “the slam, or getting robbed.”



Yeah, Jake should have won. After 13 years, ESPN was given the opportunity to do something right, but they showed once again that they just don’t get it. What an amazing story they would have had to pump on their network: underdog skater falls 45 feet, survives AND wins gold. They missed such a great opportunity by giving Bob first. Even without the sympathy points, I think Jake wins on paper.

Jake: 70’ 360 ollie to 23’ 540.
Bob: 70’ switch b/s 180 to 16’ f/s 540.

“So how much money did you have on Bob?” I asked judges Chris Miller and Tony Magnusson the next day. “Because that was retarded.”

“Hey,” Tony said, “I was the only judge that said Jake won.”

Well good for Tony Mag. But I’m disappointed in the other three judges: Chris Miller, Sasha Steinhorst and Hosoi. Apparently they couldn’t decide who won and so threw up their hands and let ESPN make the call. And of course they’re going to give it to their golden boy, Bob.

“Man, I don’t know,” Tony Hawk said when I asked him who he thought won. “I would go with Jake. The reason they gave it to Bob, and I know this, is because no one has ever done a f/s five. And whenever someone does something that hasn’t been done, they count it for so much more.”

“I didn’t think anyone had done a 360 ollie in a contest before?” I said.

“They’ve seen him do it, though, you know what I mean?” Tony said. “They hadn’t seen Bob make a f/s five. I’m just saying in the minds of the judges that’s what they were thinking. To me, a 360 ollie over 70 feet? That’s it.”

But they had also seen Bob do switch b/s 180s. Bob, in fact, warms up with a switch b/s 180. As one person observed, switch isn’t as big of a deal today as it used to be. And since the judges are all old farts who come from a time when switch didn’t exist, I think they gave it a little more merit than necessary. I know for a fact they did because I spoke with them after. Chris Miller, for one, was absolutely smitten with the switch b/s 180. I don’t want to take anything away from Bob’s run, but I, and I think most people, think Jake’s was better.

Danny Way also later said the gold should have gone to Jake. His reasoning was, “The contest is called, Big Air Contest. And Jake went bigger.”

Simple as that.

The judges told me that they weren’t allowed to factor in any outside factors: they had to choose who had the best single run. Anything beyond that didn’t count. So Jake’s 720 over the gap that he did just before the slam was ignored. Which I disagree with because he had never made that before in his life and to try it and make it in a contest situation just shows that he was going bigger than Bob. Also, they should have taken into consideration the fact that Bob got six runs to every one else’s five. Apparently he complained that he was distracted by a motorcycle during one of his earlier runs.

“This is the XGames, not Wimbledon,” a friend said when he heard that.

Pierre Luc also took a run with a motorcycle in the background, but he didn’t complain.

But, again, as Danny said, none of that should matter: Jake went bigger. And, frankly, looked better.

And after that slam, I think the gentlemanly thing to do would have been to have just ended the contest right there and given it to Jake. He was in first place. He had won. But no, Bob had to go and take his extra run and try and win it. As I’ve said, he didn’t win it, but the fact that he wanted to beat a fellow skater who had just taken one of the hardest slams ever isn’t really congruent with the spirit of skateboarding. Or even the spirit of sport, for that matter. When did “winning at all cost” creep into skateboarding?

“That’s Bob,” Gentry said. “It’s all about Bob.”

And as we all know, the XGames aren’t going to be paying Jake’s hospital bills because they don’t provide insurance for their event. So Jake will have to use the $20,000 he got for second to pay for his slam. While ESPN will continue to reap the benefit of that footage for years to come. Twenty grand’s not bad, but I’m sure he’d prefer the $60,000 that ESPN gave Bob for first. I’m not suggesting this should be a charity, but the injustice of the whole thing grows worse when you know Bob’s pretty well off, while Jake barely has a pot to piss in. What’s Bob going to do with the money, buy another mango grove, or put a yoga studio in his house?





Lastly, those theatrics at the end there, the rolling around on the ramp, holding his head, “I’m so huuuurt,” (Jake’s the one that fell out of a fucking building!)—come on, dude, leave that shit on the soccer pitch.

Jake should have won. But fortunately his injuries weren’t too bad and, while it’s a tough way to succeed, that slam is actually opening a lot of doors for him. I know a number of TV shows wanted him for interviews and apparently his sponsors are making him real offers now.

How he didn't die is astounding, though. He hit the flat so hard his fucking shoes flew off into the crowd. The fact that there's nothing wrong with him is wrong in itself. But I'm glad he's okay.

“I’ve always said that he’s had this rare condition since birth,” Weiss said. “It’s like his skull is so thick, there’s no room for a brain. He’s the literal definition of a bone head.”

Yeah Jake.

57 comments:

Anonymous said...

truer words were never spoken

Anonymous said...

Thank you Dave, I have been scouring the web looking for something that said this.
I had to leave the building before Jake even moved, I was so freaked out.
I wish that this viewpoint was getting a broader exposure. I am really, really sad that anyone would take a run after Jake's fall.
Now, I am glad that Jake is relatively healthy (how bad-ass is he for that?) and he is making the rounds in the media. He has ripped hard for a long time and deserves a big chunk of whatever is available to someone who continually raises the bar in skateboarding.

tips said...

I'm going to have to pick "agree".

Rabia Antigua™ said...

Thank goodness Jake's ok. Bob should have showed some class after that shit. It's wierd to think that he rode for Anti-Hero...

jK said...

i wonder if bob has an agent. i bet his agent coached him on how to be a total dick and how to make sure that he gets first place because he has to give up, what is it? like, 15% to his agent? show me the money - or something like that.

Anonymous said...

must we forget to metion that bob has a mega in his fucking backyard!! and has way more runs on one than jake. jake got ripped off fair and square. bob should have gavr him at least half the money.we all know jake needs it way more than bobs organics.was hosoi pissed cause jake parties. come on .

Anonymous said...

Old News....Bob did the same thing after Schaefer almost killed himself on the loop a few years back. Nobody knew if Brian had brain damage, paralyzed or was going to die but Bob went right after that slam and did it switch. "It's all about Bob" sounds about right.

Anonymous said...

vert skating is out of control with all this mega ramp stuff,it's 10 times as gnarley as anything before.that being said jake said fuck it and tried to top anything else done that day. he just wanted to push it to the limits and make shit happen. it's the least bob could've done was to bow out and let jake get his, he deserved first;backside 3,720,540 all big as shit and way stylish. jake needed it more than bob and tried way harder. i still can't believe he walked away>??!

pryce costington said...

well said, sir, well said indeed. to comment poster, rabia antigua, i suppose we all know, now, exactly why mr. burnquist was a poor match for anti hero. won't catch julien posing in an oakley ad or playing the schill for mountain don't. but hey, dave, how about the swedish board game details we were promised in the previous posting? as an aside, i can't articulate clearly enough, the level of thrill-litude i experienced upon learning of whale cock's return. while we're still on the topic of the x- gaymes (and words ending in "-litude") i couldn't help notice, during my half hearted attempts to watch, that the use of the word "amplitude" has diminished considerably. once the exclusive verbal/linguistic domain of the x-gaymes, it is now misused everywhere anything remotely "extreme" is put through a judgement process. so where did the amplitude go? did somebody let the cat out of the bag and clue sal and company in on the fact that they sounded like fags? i'm not talking about the cool kind of fags like morrisey or hakim bey or that kind of neat stuff, i mean kooks. hacks. phonies. kind of like me, still calling myself a skateboarder, but doing sweepers on the small 1/4 at the local park and not much else. talk about a phony! i guess i'm a fag, too. shit.

floyd said...

Jake is the shit!
he should have won...
jake doesnt have a backyard mega so he doesnt get the chance to practise whenever he feels like it... making your first 720 in a contest shows you have balls!
(that 720 looked even better then the one danny did in the dc vid)

Anonymous said...

Bob blows! Praying for first place while your friend is hurt from taking the worst slam ever. Go use your yoga skills and suck it.

Gray said...

is not the real issue here that Sasha Steinhorst was a judge for this event?! was Ken Park busy that night or something?

it's no surprise that Bob Burnquist is a jock, and wouldn't let anyone or anything get in the way of "winning", he's pretty much making a living off these extreme game type events anyway (Shaun White anyone?)...I mean, when was the last time Bob Burnquist was relavent to skateboarding? his stunts have very little to do with what 99.9% of the world's skateboarders are concerned with, it just so happens he uses a skateboard to launch himself over Snake River Canyon or whatever. gay.

Anonymous said...

Burnquist you wanker, stay out of Australia you bastard..............

Max D said...

i thought Jake should of won also...however my biggest problem with the whole thing is how ESPN is reaping the benefits-income from the exposure versus what is going back to the skaters who do the contests at the X-Games. In the case of Jake, his Slam was broadcast around the world on all the news channels and networks you can think of...who got the payoff?....ESPN ...X-games...easily in the Millons$$$

Anonymous said...

Totally agree!! Damn, I've hated
Bob's theatrics for years. Sooooo
gay. It looks like he gave some
drama lessons to Snow White too. He's
like the new Bob, all holding his head like "oh my god!". Anyway, Jake
is a tank! The fact that ESPN doesn't
cover anyones injuries is ridiculous.
F'ing maggots!

Anonymous said...

This is why Bob was kicked off of Anti Hero...he's a kook. Tramp stamp and all.

Anonymous said...

Why doe Dave Carnie even give a shit about the x ganes?

Jakes a robot, Bobs a prick, the judging is rigged, end of story.

Anonymous said...

" the fact that he wanted to beat a fellow skater who had just taken one of the hardest slams ever isn’t really congruent with the spirit of skateboarding "

the most saliant of points. the fact that expn doesn't pay jakes medical bills speaks volumes, and i find it hard to believe that it would happen in other sports events of the same size.

bob, put your hand in your pocket or lose all respect for all time.

Anonymous said...

Bob and soccer. So fucking true, I can't think of a better analogy. That's exactly what he was doing.

adam s said...

best thing ever written by Carney.

Richard Kaminski said...

thanks alot. so true. that's why i don't even watch the x games. and now one more reason why i'm not that stoked on bob.

Anonymous said...

Straight up truth. Bob's a talent but he had his clown suit on that night.

Jake should see some good loot from all this if he stays healthy he could/should be the face of the "Mega Ramp" catagory of skating for years to come.

Anonymous said...

jake getting some loot out of this is besides the point that bob should cough up as a show of good sportsmanship.

Anonymous said...

First Matt Dove, NOW THIS??????? WTF is going on people. Hardcore competition is at the heart of our sport. If we don't preserve some integrity, then we die. It's just that simple.

Anonymous said...

I agree with some parts of what you said, but COME ON! The judges had a job to do and admittedly they did a crap job coz they didn't make a decision and then left it up to ESPN. But don't hate on Bob. It is a competition! If you don't think competition is about winning then don't support them by attending. Bob is competitive by nature and if he wants to go out and win then that is the POINT of the competition. Just cause Shane Cross died are we all gonna stop skatin his favourite spots? stop riding motorbikes? Just cause someone slams do we pack up and leave? or rip harder?

Anonymous said...

Fuck yeah, Dave.

Couldn't have been put any better.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I did not know that bob even took an extra "6th" run after jake...im disappointed to hear...skateboarding is not about that...

Cris said...

Ruler.
Thanks, Dave.

Cris

DAVE CARNIE said...

There’s been a few people, friends and strangers alike, who have wondered, “Why do you even care?” My response is, “I don’t. But I was bored, I’m a writer and it was too early to start drinking.” Plus I enjoy a good debate and I think this is an interesting subject. And it’s fairly obvious, based on the feedback, that it interests a lot of people. I would also like to say that I have nothing against Bob. There’s a lot of Bob hating going on here, and I don’t want to condone that. I think Bob could have performed a little differently, he is a competitive person, i know, and i don't fault him for that, but this was one time I think he would have looked a lot better if he had stepped away. I still consider him a friend and an amazing skater. That said, it’s also fun bashing him. Because he's a big boy and he can handle it.

Neal Hendrix, who was in the USAS board meeting, and sides with Bob, read the blog and had this to say:

“Your still trippin about the Bob vs Jake debate. I thoroughly enjoy the banter but I must reiterate that no other motherfuckers will even think about rolling down that beast switch. Yeah, he makes that shit every time, doesn't mean that it isn't gnarly! I am one of the biggest Jake fans there is for sure, the 360 ollie was smooth as butter but both of Bob's tricks were harder even if he did roll around and get all emo like a goonball.”

Emo goonball. I like that. I responded that Danny’s been doing it switch and so has Jake. And while I agree that a switch 180 is pretty fucking gnarly, I still think the 360 is harder. It’s a matter of simple numbers: it’s TWO half turns. Three hundred and sixty is greater than [insert ice cream cone…oh wait, I can do that, huh? 360 > 180. Doing it switch gives the 180 more value, but it doesn’t beat the 360. I have never done it, and I never will, but it looks like a 360 is harder to keep under your feet. And again: Big Air Contest? Jake went almost ten feet higher.

Neal replied again:

“Like I told you last Saturday, if you took the gnarliest 15 mega dudes I guarantee there are 2 or 3 guys who could do the ollie 360 I am claiming nobody else could do the switch 180. All of Danny's switch stuff on the mega ramp was off the 50 foot gap, not the 70. Both of the 540's were ridiculously insane but I think a late grab frontside 5 like that is harder and I also think that is probably the highest frontside 5 ever. By the way, just remember I am an absolute certified expert in mega jumping ever since I pulled the froggy style melon grab over the gap to almost record setting 7 foot backside air on the quarterpipe.”

Fair enough. At the same time, I stood on Bob’s mega ramp and I imagined going down it switch in my mind, and it was easy. Plus the gods of skateboarding, Danny and Tony, both said Jake won. So shutup.

Thank you to all who have commented. Oh and Weiss wanted me to put a disclaimer up that his last line is a joke. He doesn’t want people to think he’s a dick. Little late for that Bill.

Anonymous said...

I'll take "Dave is right on the money for $1000 - Alex"

Well said!

King Awesome of Radacool Mountain said...

So Jake Brown didn't win and Danny Way never landed a 900 first. Leave it up to the x-games and they'll continually fuck everything up. I just hope that whoever writes the next book on the history of skateboarding dedicates a chapter to how badly ESPN continually gets it wrong. At least they didn't give it to anyone sponsored by Lego. Jesus!

Anonymous said...

Correction:

Jake's best: Drop in to 70-foot gap 360 backside ollie to 19.5-foot 540.

Bob's best: Roll in (higher than the drop in) switch to 70-foot gap 180 backside ollie to 18.5-foot frontside 540.

Tough call.

But I reckon that even Jake would tell you that 540s are gnarlier frontside than backside. And Bob was the only one coming in switch, from any starting point.

Still, though, Jake's combo was all-time. Gotta back the underdog.

But to suggest that Bob should have forgone his last run to give Jake the gold is absurd when you consider that Bob pretty much never gives up on anything. He had one last chance to nail that frontside 540. And he did. Cheers to that. Spare me the soccer drama though.

Tupper World Wide said...

Dave should have won.

Anonymous said...

Nobody should be surprised at the X-Games' ignorance. People should be used to it by now and quite frankly, I'm kinda shocked that skaters still participate in 'the Games.'
But yet they flock en masse because of the big money lure. What used to be selling out is now considered OK because a handfull of the bigger names buy into the cash aspect, slap a Red Bull sticker on their helmet and just barge.
I agree that Jake was robbed without doubt. But in a situation like this...there's no reason to be shocked. I'm shocked if the judges actually make a good decision on any of the contests.
One thing is for sure: when vert makes a comeback because Jake is on every TV station in America 3 times per day, skateboarding (ie: the industry) won't owe a huge debt to Tony Hawk, Danny Way or even Bob Burquist. Jake Brown may have ressurected VERT from the dead single handedly to skateboard buying kids all over the world.
And for that, let's hope Jake isn't given the silver.

(That was the gayest way I could think of to end my diatribe.)

Anonymous said...

Just a small note. ESPN wont cover any medical bills due to the chance of someone becoming a veggie'. If that happens the xtreme bra's agents could sue for millions.

Willie D said...

This is why the XGaymes, Olympics, etc. are bad for skating. If skating is judged at all it shouldn't be by some calculus like "each spin is worth x points" or "switch multplies point value by 1.5". That's why snowboarding is a bunch of little kids spinning around with zero style.


I feel like I've turned into one of those old bastards who used to write to Thrasher about D. Way having no style. Style matters. I'd rather watch the Gonz ollie or pick his nose than watch Bucky Lasek do anything.

Remember when Bob was on Anti Hero and cool? Me neither.

Anonymous said...

SHAKE JUNT! SAYS!! FUCK YOU ESPN! AND FUCK YOU BOBBY!

Anonymous said...

Here's another post about the same thing:

http://pierrewikberg.blogspot.com/2007/08/worst-thing-ive-ever-seen-in-my-life.html

daniel said...

i had no idea who took first, infact the jake footage is all ive seen of the x games. that says something i think. sure bob got the gold and more money but in the long run i think jake will get more out of this, hes the vert skating golden boy now.
they should have counted his bail as a trick. nobody had done a frontside 5 before but i cant remember a time i saw someone fall 45 feet to flat infront of a stadium full of people on national television and walk away either.

Anonymous said...

Nice Dave..I'm a camera operator who works for the mouse and skates. Their more fucked than you realize...Big ups Jake!

Anonymous said...

I was there and saw the whole Circus go down. Jake's run should have won - no doubt. The fact that Bob got another run is total B.S. We all know X games is a bunch of crap so why are we all surprised.

X games breeds champions, they don't breed underdogs. In real skateboarding the underdog always comes out of nowhere and wins but on TV we all know the winner before the contest even starts.

Anonymous said...

bob is espn's bitch. has been for years. the fact that he even wanted another run after jakes injury just shows you how shady burnquist really is. fucking shady hippy.

Snack said...

Jake wins. Bob has "lame" in him.

pack feeder said...

Jake is a ruler, no doubt. One of the only vert skaters I can handle watching without needing surgical re-attachment of my eyeballs after ive scratched them out.

Now with that out of the road.

Im ashamed at times to be associated with skateboarding. Its no surprise that integrity has gone to shit. All I hear is constant hate attacks on awesome skaters. Josh Kasper sucks.. Jamie Thomas is a bible basher.. Paul Macnau has a shit style.. Muska is too old.. Beibel is a roided up wigga.. P-rod has a 'boring' style, bob burnquist is a jock, duffels pants need surgical removal, bastien salabanzi is just too good.

You remind me of a bunch of insecure high school kids who are trying desparately to not be the target of ridicule yourselves so you just flock to an injured reputation like vultures to a carcass and lay the boots in.

Heres an idea. Lets make Bob Burnquist the most hated skater on earth. Then all the spoon feeders can copycat and yell abuse at him when they see him in the street. After all, isn't pack hatred what skateboarding is all about?

Anonymous said...

Wow, there's so much hate involved in skateboarding, I didn't know that. Hey Federer shouldn't win Wimbledon because he has a tennis court in his backyard, shut the fuck up! Jake skated the mega ramp with Danny, so what. And what about Bob being a skateboarder and trying to land that 540? Jake should have won that's right but Bob skating after Jake walks away? Come on, he is a skateboarder. Blame the judges, blame ESPN but stop hating on skateboarders.

Anonymous said...

jake should have won it was a bad descision, but you cant go hate on Bob because he wanted to win ...end of story!

Cameron said...

It's nice to know that if Jake hadn't walked, Bob would have let him win... Such a nice guy!

Anonymous said...

Yeah big call but id have to say jake on the Gnar factor like D.way said high air comp and he went higher !!


Oh Bill Weiss you scab you own and run massive companys and scab smokes of me !!

Anonymous said...

whens weiss entering the high air, he can add some nudity to the human circus

Igo said...

Theres a lot of hate in the air...

-First: Bob's Extra run was his third, and not after jake's injury

-Why Bob should give up? Can't he try to make his run, land new tricks, and push his limits??? He isn't giving a damn about the money, he just want to raise the level of his skating (as he always does), also make a good run for his fans, and give a good message about skateboarding (believe me, he doesn't need the money).

-Offcourse it would be more heroic and cinematographic to give to Jake, thats why youre all pissed. I think Jake rules!! i like all of his footage. But in the contest judges should look only at those two tricks in the run.

-Both runs were amazing, you guys keep saying switch is not that hard... so go do it yourself!!! I think that the FS 540 make the difference, nobody had done so high, not even Bob or Danny. Listen what Neil said, because he rides big air, and we not!!!

Anonymous said...

pulling the 720 alone earned the right for first. but thats what you get when you are at a contest so heavily regulated and full of corporate pigs. yeah the money is great these days but if we could go back and ask frankie hill and all the gnar dogs killing it on street and vert they would tell you they were just happy to be able to skate. that's why many skaters these days would'nt even bother competeing but as long as corporate checks keep flowing they will keep coming.

Anonymous said...

Bob has hundreds of illegal granola labs all over SoCal. I know this because I was involved in a granola lab explosion and suffered third degree burns on my neck, face, and chest from organic chocolate chips and dried cranberries that had been overheated during the shaping process. I am now happily granola free and work for the county looking for these illegal granola labs. Please help keep our cities organic granola bar free!

Anna Nimmus said...

Let's not put the horse before the cart, here. Wether someone is a jock or a jerk is secondary to the main issue. Besides, isn't anyone who competes kind of a jock anyway?
The issue, to me anyway, is that the ESPN marketing machine and mass-media have taken great liberties with "our" favorite pastime, effectively soiling its purity & besmirching its honor. In some middle eastern countries, if somebody does this to your wife, you seek ultimate satisfaction of your grudge by killing said individual (and sometimes your wife as well). I have no intention of carrying out an honor killing on my spouse (Mr. Skateboard) but I am considering murdering ESPN in retribution for my skate's sullied honor and the besmirchification it has endured.
Sodas, cars, phones, sunglasses and whatnot, all crossmarketed to line the pockets of fuckers who don't know dick about skating, nor care to. Where as I appreciate that all of the external commerce in and about skating is giving work and hence cash to real skaters (albeit, washed up, in most cases), who get to design beverage pakaging or offer commentary or build giant ramps or on and on with the list of peripheral/auxilliary activities, I can't help but think that this is akin to receiving a dozen roses after being raped (yes, Andrew Mecum, a dozen. Long stem and red, please.)
So, sure Bob is a turkey, and all the "don't hate the player, hate the rule book" logic in the world may not change that, but I, for one, feel the real offense is from those that offer us the X games in the first place. Oh yeah, and people like me who watch it.

Anonymous said...

this was on a site:

Had Brown not walked away, Burnquist said he would have passed on his final run, giving Brown the victory.
“There's a part of me that would have liked to let Jake win,” said Burnquist, who was the heavy favorite because he had last year's Big Air ramp moved to his 12-acre home. “But it is a competition. He would have wanted me to go out and do my best. Not give up.”
After realizing Brown had survived a frightening crash, Burnquist said he broke down and wept.
“It is bittersweet,” Burnquist said. “He walked away hurt. It's a roller coaster of energy. Harsh.”

dan the man said...

the same thing happened this year x games 14, this time danny way took a hard fall, and bob took gold again plus danny actually came back to make his runs. good to jake brown up onhis feet.

i'm afraid the mega ramp has become a bit of a circus, relying on a major catrostrophe to draw in the crowds, apparently it draws more tv ratings than the vert final.

shame

Emily said...

So first of all I guess you are all pissed that Bob won again this year. In the words of Chris Miller "Unfortunately it's not on how big a comeback you're having, but on how technical your run is." I'm paraphrasing, but it's close. Danny took over first after his slam and then Jake knocked him out. Jake wanted Danny to still be in first. Jake's run was more tech. End of story.

As for the 2007 X Games, think of how terrible it would be to end on that slam. Let Bob end it on a positive note. I agree that it sucks that Jake couldn't get his medical bills paid for, but that's how things go.

If anything, I'm mad at the judges. I couldn't care much less that Bob got an extra run, but the judges should have had the balls to call it. ESPN does sports like baseball and shit. They shouldn't decide who wins a skateboarding comp., because they'll give it to the more well-known guy.

I also do have to agree with some people that X Games is getting to theatric. I'm not going to stop watching it, but ESPN is truly just trying to make money. It's shown simply by the fact that they have Big Air first so all the skaters can get injured before they skate in the vert comp.

Also, from what I've heard, Bob honestly does sound like a nice guy. It's just that Danny and Bob want to progress skateboarding at any cost.

jay adams said...

Lastly, those theatrics at the end there, the rolling around on the ramp, holding his head, “I’m so huuuurt,” (Jake’s the one that fell out of a fucking building!)—come on, dude, leave that shit on the soccer pitch.


---- am still laughing out loud because of this... hahahahaha...