Monday, February 26, 2007

COCKS FOR SALE

ABIERTO!
you can now buy whalecock shit. so go to the store and buy some whalecock shit. you can call the number there, or email doug. if you'd like to email me i'm:

dave@whalecockskateboards.com

i've always wanted to open a mexican restaurant and call it "abierto."

DJ DAFT CONNIE
i've recently been having to deal with the very unfamiliar world of hip hop and DJs. don't ask. but since my mind is there, i decided to come up with a dj name and i thought DJ FUNKULUFFAGUS would be good. it's so good i assumed it was taken. nope. and thus it's apparently not a very good dj name. like i said i am new to this. tania suggested DJ DAFF CONNIE. kind of a drunk "dave carnie." not bad, i thought, but what about DJ DAFT CONNIE? i picture an old, drunk english lady that yells at her audience while she spins. she is old and grey haired. she wears an obnoxious floral print house dress and slippers. she drinks pints of cheap gin and smokes menthols. connie is hot. i gotta get connie some turntables. then maybe we'll get altamont/melvins backup dancer tammy to go on tour.

CRUISIN
i have only now been able to start going through my photos of our cruise. summary: in short, it was really fun and it was exactly what you'd expect to find on a cruise. a lot of old people, a lot of food and a lot of drinking. one thing we did not expect was our $800 bar tab which was more than the whole cruise itself. here's a photo of connie hanging out with a couple of the CRUISIN GRANNIES that we met on our cruise. there are two types of old people on a cruise: the really nice party grandmas, like these ladies, and the really old and bitter grandmas that hate everybody, but especially mexicans.



fortunately i didn't have to hang with a bunch of grandmas. i got to hang out with this lovely lady. this was taken by our bartender nandy. i started off trying to do the girly drink thing—you know, when in rome—but they're really gross. that's a margarita and even it was fucking disgusting. we stuck to wine, beer, martinis or whiskey.



WHALECOCK ON FILM
i recently got an email from a cock fan who sent along a video of actual whalecock. you can view the video at the bottom of the WHALEJA VU section of the website. Ninian Doff (?) writes, "Hey Mr. Carnie, A lot of stills of whalecocks on your site but now finally a video of one in all its glory (as a bonus the whale is pervertwhale who's enjoying gratuitously waving it around in front of a group of school kids):

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1695739

Glad you also finally acknowledged Morrissey as the best skater out there. He puts the melancholic in melon grabs. Ninian doff."

DYNAMITE SURFING
and finally dynamite surfing. perhaps you've already seen this? i'm not as quick on the internet as tania and usually see everything about the same time as everybody else in the world. and if you believe this, then you need to go look up the world "gullible" in the dictionary, because there's a picture of your face there. still, they did a good job, huh?

http://uncutvideo.aol.com/tags/extreme-stunts/f549f1165417ef0e2460f67566f21464?index=3

2 comments:

chris riordan said...

Hip hop isn't like Heavy Metal where you can just slip into an identity like "Wolf" the drummer and poke your fun at people who are involved in it from the inside out. Hip Hop is a way of life. My DJ Name is Spazzanova, but I can call myself that because I can manipulate grooves in wax like Pat Robertson can manipulate people in church. It's not some joke on a subculture, it's about letting my fingers do the loving and bump bump chicky chicking the wick wick wax to da beat, yall. In fact, DJ Snufalufugus just bought his first battle beef, and Spazzanova is going to make a dis track later today about how Snuffy is about to catch wreck.

Anonymous said...

Yo, that kid who posted first needs fat cocks in his mouth all day.