Wednesday is Whaleday

First of all, God hates you. I'm sorry if you didn't already know.

http://www.eveningservice.com/Video




Second, I apologize for some of the glitches on the website. Cockaganda is a mess. But unfortunately our webmaster is in Hawaii on vacation this week. When he returns he'll get out his tools and fix it. Because he's good like that. It's also come to my attention that some of you are having trouble navigating around the site? I've heard that some people don't know that the little W in the circle on the store side of the site enables you to scroll through our vast array of products? Well then I think you should desist from using a computer because it's obviously too complicated a machine for you to be operating.

Hopefully the store will be up and running next week as well and you can order all the cock you want online.


Gary is doing fine, for anyone who has been wondering. In fact he’s going to be Whalecock’s second team rider after Morrissey. He’s blowing up. Although his home life has been in shambles the last year. Tania and I got a puppy. A miniature dachshund. His name is Beckett. And he is the bane of Gary’s existence. The sight of him just makes Gary gag and puke.



I don't know, I think Beckett is kind of cute. But maybe he makes you puke too?




Who you rooting for in the Puppy Bowl on Sunday? I'm going for the dachshunds.

http://animal.discovery.com/convergence/puppybowl/puppybowl.html

And I know I'm not the first person to question the inherent redundancy of National Go Skate Day (isn't it every day?), but I mean if you're actually going to pick one day to call Go Skate Day, I would have chosen Super Bowl Sunday as Go Skate Day.

Here are some new Alien Workshop boards featuring art from my friend Chris Reed. Good stuff. If you have any money left over after buying Whalecock boards, I'd pick up a couple of these.

The Whalecock Interview: Tony Hawk

This week’s Whalecock interview is with the most famous cock in skateboarding, Tony Hawk. Some of you may have even seen Tony’s cock. I know I have. Remember that Trans World picture in the late 80s of Tony doing a Japan air in Del Mar’s keyhole? Tony and I sat down on the deck of the St. Mary and had a little chat over a plate of oysters and a pitcher of whale cum. Or maybe he just answered my email.

Do you prefer fresh water or salt water, Tony?
Fresh water. In fact, I'll have a Fiji because it comes in those cool square bottles.

If you were a marine creature, what would you be?
A Manatee. People love manatees as if they are the koala bears of the sea.

If you were a whale, what kind of whale would you be?
A Sperm Whale. Do I really need to explain why?

Do you enjoy hunting whales?
I never have, but I would love to hold one of those giant spears at the front of a Moby Dick boat.

Have you ever eaten whale?
Yes, really. There is a sushi place in Santa Monica and whenever we walk in the chef offers special dishes (not on the menu and not available to other guests). I've also had blowfish there.

Have you ever caught a fish? What and where?
My dad used to make me go fishing with him, so it would have been something basic off the coast of SD. My dad once caught a shark, but the line broke as he reeled it in.

When you were fishing, did you and the other fishermen, you know, gay off?
No, but I was once at a bachelor party on a fishing boat. Another boat pulled up and two strippers got off. They danced while the boat rocked, making them trip half the time. We all had lines in the water and it was really lame.

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to talk to children about the whale’s enormous penis?
Only when they see it on the Discovery Channel. Otherwise: don't ask, don't tell.

The barstools on Aristotle Onassis’ yacht were covered in whale cock skin. (It’s rumored that if you rubbed them right, they turned into couches!) If you had a few yards of whale cock skin, what would you cover with it?
My own... A whalecock condom!

If a whale attacked your genital area, but you were able to save one thing, your scrotum or your penis, which would you choose to save? (keep in mind that whatever the whale bites off is going to be flung about and batted around by the whale’s tail in the middle of the ocean.)
I have three kids, so my scrotum has had a good run already. I'll take the shaft.

What did the biggest penis you’ve ever seen belong to?
A horse

Does your whale cock have a name or nickname?
No. The idea of naming a part of your body always creeped me out.

What makes your cock different from other cocks?
Left curvature

Would you rather be a pirate, a Viking, a whaler or a navy seal?
A pirate - they seem to have the most fun when they get to their destination.

If you could be any animal’s cock, what would it be?
A dog's. You get to hide until it's time to get busy, and then your mate is stuck with you once you're inside.

If Whalecock skateboards gave you a pro model, what would you like to have as your Whale Cock graphic?
A Hawk Cock

If you ran this company, who would you give a pro model to?
Simon Woodstock. We need the humor back in our industry.

When are we going to see another ball danglin’ japan air?
When they dangle past my cargo shorts, maybe in another 20 years.

Thar She Blows!

welcome to whale cock's news section, aka the cock blog. which is kind of redundant, now that i think about it, because all blogs are cock blogs aren't they? you have to be a real cock to blog. anyway, this is where you will find weekly updates, whale cock news and general nonsense. like this picture of a whale.





you'll also find weekly interviews with pro skaters, pro whalers, pro sailors and other luminaries. our first interview is with mr. naked 540, bill weiss. bill was recently married to his longtime girlfriend jen in las vegas a couple weeks ago. congratulations bill. here is a picture of clyde singleton during the lunch reception giving a shout out to the only two other black people in attendance, kenny and rodney.



WHALECOCK INTERVIEW: BILL WEISS

How high can you ollie/breech?
High as the Donger but not as pretty.

Do you prefer fresh water or salt water?
Fresh, salt makes me a rock lobster.

If you were a marine creature, what would you be?
A male dolphin, that way it would feel like I have two cocks. One down below and one on my face

If you were a whale, what kind of whale would you be?
A Billugah.

Do you enjoy hunting whales?
No

Have you ever eaten whale?
A female whale.

Have you ever caught a fish? What and where?
I caught crabs once, does that count?

When you were fishing, did you and the other fishermen, you know, gay off?
I would rather eat a female whale than play with a longshoreman’s flounder.

Whales enjoy krill. They eat it raw, like sashimi style. What is your favorite way to enjoy krill?
Is Krill the villain on He Man?

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to talk to children about the whale’s enormous penis?
I think that should go hand in hand with the cigarette conversation.

The barstools on Aristotle Onassis’ yacht were covered in whale cock skin. (It’s rumored that if you rubbed them right, they turned into couches!) If you had a few yards of whale cock skin, what would you cover with it?
I would cover my car to have a nice place for seagull shit to land.

If a whale attacked your genital area, but you were able to save one thing, your scrotum or your penis, which would you choose to save? (keep in mind that whatever the whale bites off is going to be flung about and batted around by the whale’s tail in the middle of the ocean.)
I would go with my penis."My balls are dumb long yo" so if he bit them off he would be doing me a favor.

Does your whale cock have a name or nickname?
Meatloaf.

What makes your cock different from other cocks?
It is a dual citizen.

If you could be any animal’s cock, what would it be?
A dogs tube of lipstick.

If you could be any person’s cock, who would it belong to?
Unfortunately Dave Navarro's when he was married to Carmen Electra.

when you do nude 540s, which direction does your cock spin?
Counter cock wise!

Does it give you extra lift, like a helicopter’s propellers?
It has never failed me.

What comes out of your blowhole?
Chipotle.