Wednesday, May 30, 2007


This was sent to me by a fellow named Brian Unwin...which i just realized, does unwin mean "lose?" anyway, in iceland they eat whale. whale kabobs apparently. but why do they even bother with those little tiny slices of bell pepper. if i were making whale kabobs i'd get a fucking fence post or a sword or something and slam five pound hunks of whale on it and separate them with fucking pumpkins and watermelons and shit. then i'd sail over to norway and roast it over the flames of a burning church.

and if you read the tony hawk whalecock interview, you'll remember that tony surprisingly has actually had whale before. at a sushi joint in santa monica. which is in america. that's some under the table shit right there. that's almost like serving panda carpaccio.


Interestingly, the sport of whaling is in the news these days. Japan's pissed, they want whale kabobs too.

"By Daisuke Wakabayashi
ANCHORAGE, Alaska (Reuters) - Japan clashed with anti-whaling nations Wednesday over its proposal to allow four of its small coastal villages to hunt whales, and postponed a decision to bring the matter to a vote.
At the International Whaling Commission's annual meeting, Japan argued that its proposal to catch minke whales should fall under the umbrella of community whaling because whaling has been part of its culture for thousands of years. Opponents say that is merely commercial whaling in disguise."


and my english friend nic powley is totally nicking my idea with his stupid ass dog wanker skateboard company. don't mess with the cock,'re gonna get fucked.


yes it was gary's 11th bday yesterday. may 29. and he spent it at the vet. no, i kid. he spent it like every other day, sleeping, eating and beating on beckett. at the beginning of the month we had grand plans for a bday celebration, but by the time yesterday rolled around with its holiday weekend hangovers, we were like, "he's a fucking cat."

a violent cat. gary has been killing now that the warm weather is upon us and the critters are giving birth and since everything in southern california seems to be on fire, there's nowhere for them to hide. except in gary's mouth. although i'll admit gary can't hold a candle to this jeff motherscratcher's trail of blood. jesus christ, jeff is a fucking machine.

i'm glad to see that someone else enjoys taking pictures of the remains of the animals their cat kills. below is a pretty typical gary kill. and this was his last kill, a few weeks ago, and it was found in a pair of tania's pants that she had left on the floor next to the bed. tania wouldn't even pretend to like the gift that gary had given her.

Friday, May 04, 2007


so i just interviewed kris markovich and we were getting all sentimental about skateboarding and i was like, "yeah, i’m going to go skate when i get off the phone with you on my little quarter pipe which i’ve hardly even ridden." “I’M GONNA SESSION!” i even put on my li’l anti-dislocated shoulder bra thing.

every thing started off alright. i was riding my li’l whalecock liquor store board, just doing pivots, i even tried a sweeper and a couple f/s rocks. smacked my tail on the curb out in the street a couple times. but then i tried to do a f/s pivot. i kind of committed to getting into it a little too early and i was still below coping so the board went SWOOOOP! and i was practically horizontal in the air. all i could think was, “my” and then, BAM! i hit the cement floor hard.

the first thing i dimly realized was how much heavier i am now. then i realized, "hey my arm is still in the socket." and then, "but my elbow isn’t. WAIT MY ELBOW ISN’T?" i’m kidding. my elbow is fine, although i slammed on it so hard i think i’ll have a nice swellbow. and as i lay there watching my board shoot out into the street and hit the neighbor’s parked car, i thought, “i just slammed.” and i smiled.

suffice it to say i’m back inside at the computer where it’s safe.


other news. did anyone know that sea world used to be a skate park? or it’s where they moved sadlands to?

when tania and i came upon it, i was like, “OOHHHH MY GAAAWWWWWD!” we were in a hurry to get churro’s or see sharks or something, so tania was all, “who cares?” i was like, “BUT LOOK AT IT! HOLY SHIT, THAT’S AWESOME.” and of course tania is always the voice of reason. she said, “well what are you going to do? skate it? do you have a skateboard? and even if you did, you think they’d let you skate it? come on, let’s go.”

“but i can imaginary skate it?”


she really wanted a churro. look at that shit though. it’s the empty pond at the base of that big ole spinning tower if you're familiar with the sea world amusement park grounds. actually i think you can see that tower from downtown san diego. anyway, i think it’s a permission pool. the owner's cool if you just bring a 12 pack of fish.

[upcoming photos of whale shit and seal shit from our sea world adventure. also "the greatest captive wildlife photographer in the world."]


russ sent this link to a pretty cool moby dick related project.

WEINER GETS SNAKED by dave england

Thursday, May 03, 2007



another goddamn skateboard book. except this one is by my bros jai and ballard. i know we're bros because they asked me to write the intro for it for free and i did. that's what bros do for each other. after you get done buying nieratko's book, you should buy this book. here are some photos from the opening party at that place that everybody has art shows and shit at in la.

the bros, ballard, jai and me. my smile is weird. i need to work on that.

you know what? fuck it. i don't feel like posting the other photos. this shit takes too long. just imagine a bunch of drunk skaters in a room with pictures of drunk skaters on the walls. and sheldon outside pissing on the wall.


apparently heather still isn't drinking, but she decided to commemorate the heather that used to drink with a drunk ass hubdur tattoo on that her arm?

and dave england reduced me to one nostril. he likes to call it a carnostril.


"grandpa switchblades," as we've been calling gary of late, is doing fine. i had to take him to the vet after a friend noticed a lump on the back of his neck and said, "my cat died of cancer. and it started like this." WELL SHIT! but the vet just told me what i thought all along: battle scar. make sure to mark "may 29" on your calendars, as it's gary's 11th birthday. my calendar already has may 29th on it. i always try to buy calendars that have all the dates in them.


skateboarding? haha. kid's stuff. try tackling a fucking whale.